Lend only that which you can afford to lose

Whether we talk about money or some other possessions, the truth is that people dislike lending their assets. You can consider it some kind of devotion to material things which, by the way, should not necessarily have a negative meaning, or you can simply call it common sense. Either way, this only goes to show that you are a serious and responsible person, who appreciates and values his belongings and knows well the old proverb that ‘a fool and his money are soon parted’. Be that as it may, empathy, willingness to help and simple humanity is what makes the difference between us and inferior species. So how can we find the balance?

Shakespeare once wrote, “lend money to a friend and you lose both, money and friend.” Such situations are with no doubt quite delicate and it seems that the only reasonable piece of advice would be to help your friend financially, but never lend more than you can afford to lose. If you loaned people money before and you had a bad experience, then you should probably tell the person who wants to borrow what happened. Because sometimes it’s not a matter of trusting that you will be paid back. It is simply being able to set your priorities. In all affairs of life your family and your personal well-being must always come first. On this background nobody who is a real friend of yours should ever indulge in judging your prudence.

Being asked to lend money or other assets is truly unpleasant. But sometimes, if anything, the whole experience turns out to be at least instructive. In the end, if you did not get back what you loaned, this means you had made a misjudgment about somebody. And this, if you have a positive outlook, is after all useful experience, considering that you will hardly ever do so again. Moreover, each important lesson should come at a certain cost, right?

How do Bulgarians communicate?

Someone might sarcastically respond that we communicate through the magic of speech. But according to what I accidentally happened to be a witness of recently, makes this statement not only arrogant but entirely wrong as well.

Several weeks ago I was on my way to university when I saw a curios event through the bus window. There had obviously been a car accident and two big men were apparently ‘discussing’ it with a young lad by chasing him around the bus stop and trying to kick and punch him with such passion which could only be defined as pure and fierce face to face communication. Unfortunately as my bus continued on its way I could not see how this fascinating story came to an end but I certainly hope that the young man did not end up in hospital. Thinking about this event later I just could not have helped to disagree that those heavy guys had pretty convincing communication skills.

I have no idea if those men had or did not have a very good reason for their actions but fighting on the streets and throwing punches, like some cowboys from the Wild West, is not my idea of how we should communicate. However, reality here never seems to stop disappointing me. Because the story I told you is not an isolated case and what is even worse, Bulgarian society does not seem to be engaged in seeking a solution to the problem. And due to the facts I fear they just do not want one. It was less than a week ago when our notorious football star Hristo Stoichkov assaulted a Bulgarian photographer simply because he dared to try and take a picture of him while having dinner with his family in a restaurant. I think this took place in Spain which is even more embarrassing for us, being Bulgarians, because everybody could see how we communicate. I wonder what Spanish people may have thought witnessing this accident. If this is how our celebrities behave it is useless to try and guess what impression we, ordinary Bulgarians, would make on the rest of the world as a nation.

I am not knowledgeable about how people in other societies communicate and I do not even happen to know many foreigners. But I am convinced that in a civilized country such situations would simply never happen. Not only because the moment an accident occurs the police would materialize as if out of the blue but because people there are well mannered, civilized and know how to communicate without having to use their fists. Nevertheless, seeing things the way they are makes me aware of the danger to sound totally negative, but I am a firm believer in evolution and sooner or later, I would say sooner, we shall become part of the world which has already acquired the knack of good communication.

About marriage…

Why do people get married? Why do they desire to live together? Why do they spend most of their lives seeking for the soulmate they may never meet? Let us get down to fundamentals and find out the reasons.

Ever since our society exists we tend to follow certain models of lifestyle which are, by all means, relevant to the contemporary scene we take part in. And what are the stages every normal person nowadays is likely to pass through? We go to kindergarten; we attend high school and then, maybe, we choose university in order to find a proper job. Meanwhile, no sooner than we become able to determine independently our own future, we, perhaps even unconsciously, start looking for somebody to spend the rest of our lives with. Afterwards, having completed this arduous task, we usually contribute to the creation of the next generation and in all probability, by the time we have raised our children we will have already grown old. This basic sketch I have just drawn will doubtlessly turn out to be the driving force of a whole generation. And that is precisely where the rub appears.

That no feat of intelligence is so exacting as that required by two people who desire to live permanently together is undeniable. And it will remain so as long as people continue to live following forced lifestyle stereotypes and get married for wrong reasons. Few are the lucky ones that have actually been blessed to find their soulmates and live with them. But what about all those who decided to indulge in co-habitation unprepared? No wonder divorce rate is so high.

Marriage brings great happiness but requires qualities of selflessness, sacrifice and the continuous need for compromise. The question is how to achieve all that? No feat of intelligence, no fabulous wealth can prevent unhappiness if the one keyword I have been intently restraining from using this whole time is lacking. Needless to say, I mean love.

Extinct forms of animal life

Not many people are knowledgeable about extinct forms of animal life. Nevertheless you do not have to be an expert in the area to feel the fascination of a natural history museum where fossils and skeletons are on display. Almost everybody would enjoy such a tour where they can sense the mysterious atmosphere of pre-historic times and become acquainted with the remains of the animals that existed so long ago. In times when dinosaurs’ roar made the rocks tremble. In times when skies became alive with the dance of pterodactyls and the land shook up under the heavy steps of the giant mammoths. It is explicable that these primitive forms of life grab our attention. Be that as it may I believe there is yet another hidden and more philosophical aspect of this matter.

The key word here is extinct. The nature has its ways of showing living creatures how small and insignificant they are on the background of world on the whole. The great cataclysm which ended the dinosaurs’ era is probably one the most remarkable evidences supporting this statement. And while what happened to the dinosaurs is often perceived as an event irrelevant to people’s history I believe that we could yet accept it as a warning. An alert message that should not only keep us always aware of what could happen to our planet but also, in a way, recall us the real values of life. Moreover, in terms of increasing global warming nowadays, the distance of this problem becomes somehow illusive.

Here comes the inevitable question: what is the point of everything you are and everything you do since life the way you know it can vanish in a single flash? Most people choose to ignore the importance of this problem and live day by day. Disregarding and jeopardizing the life of the future generations. Others have indulged in making every possible endeavor to warn and inform the whole society that not everything is lost and people’s destiny still lies in their own hands. And very few are the ones that have actually taken real measures to preserve our planet and home.

Which group will you join?

8 декември… Когато се стъмни

Здрачът властно разперваше своето було, под призивния грак на рояк гладни врани. Лампите на Морската градина започнаха да проблясват една по една, но приглушената им светлина не достигна до мен. Позволих на стъпките си да ме отведат към тъмнината и нейния символизъм ме накара да се замисля. За хората. За това, че всички играем на криеница в живота и иронията е, че само когато падне мрак, се вижда кои сме в действителност.

Кой ще бъдеш ти?

Когато сенките изпълзят от ъглите и сковат душата ти в страх. Когато някой, когото обичаш напусне живота ти, отблъснат от силата на забранени чувства. Когато надеждата бавно започне да чезне, сред бушуващите вълни от препятствия и беди. Когато отражението в огледалото ти покаже някой, когото не познаваш… някой, когото ненавиждаш… някой, от когото се страхуваш.

Някои се крият, защитени в черупката на своята самота. Обезсърчени от развалата, и пазещи от света мислите, чувствата, мечтите си. Някои не понасят болката сами, и отчаяно търсят подкрепа във всяко усмихнато лице. Страхливо отвръщайки поглед от очите, които могат да ги предадат, които ще ги предадат заради тяхната уязвимост. Някои са малки хора, прекършени от бича на живота и готови да сключат черни сделки, за да оцелеят. Някои просто чакат, сковани от своята нерешителност и измъчвани от безкрайни въпроси и терзания.

Кой ще бъдеш ти?

Когато бремето, което носиш стане по-тежко от това, което можеш да понесеш. Когато гладът на душата ти е залъгван от фалшива утеха. Когато крайните срокове те обградят и ти се иска да избягаш. Когато обръчът на отчаянието се затегне около теб и не можеш да дишаш. Или когато стане тъмно…

Някои са дотолкова здраво оковани от дълга и отговорността, че нямат друг избор освен да се борят, да отвърнат на удара. Някои понасят плесниците на живота и продължават напред, в името на някаква цел. Някои прегръщат риска, привличайки късмета и опасностите. Превръщайки бъдещето си в хазартна игра. Някои се издигат от пепелта на своята апатия и смело тръгват към своето ново начало. А други все още стоят пред кръстопътя, търсейки знаци накъде да поемат…

Кой ще бъдеш ти?

А кой ще бъда аз?…

6 декември… Без посока

Колко от изборите които ежедневно правим имат значение? Кои от тях действително променят посоката, в която се движим? Дали дори най-незначителното наглед решение може да преобърне целия ни свят? Ако е така, какъв е смисълът на всичко, какъв е смисълът да създаваме цели, да ги преследваме, да ги обичаме… щом можем да ги изгубим само за миг невнимание… за миг липса на късмет?

Някои хора вярват, че упоритостта, желанието, вътрешната увереност и духът могат да ни отведат до върховете на щастието такова, каквото е то според нашите разбирания. Че всичко зависи единствено от самите нас и както победите, така и провалите са си само наши. Вярвам че е така.

Но това ме плаши. Не защото не вярвам в силите си. Не защото искам нечия помощ. А защото когато направя грешка, когато се отклоня от рамките на това, което смятам за правилно, тогава ще трябва да се боря със самия себе си. Със собствените си разбирания, собствените си ценности, собствените си мечти. И страшното е, че наистина не знам коя част от мен ще надделее. Дори не знам коя част от мен искам да го направи. За пръв път, през целия си съзнателен житейски път, се чувствам… без посока.

Усещам как светът се върти, как хората вървят по своите пътеки, преследвайки своите цели, желания, мечти. А самият аз съм заклещен някъде по средата на един или няколко избора, които могат да променят всичко. И докато всички останали се движат към своето щастие, аз пропилявам това безценно време в догадки без край… във въпроси без отговор.

Да, всичко зависи единствено от мен…

Но ми се иска в тези мигове на мрачни размисли…. да не бях сам….

You miss 100% of the shots you never take

Have you ever wondered what your life would have been like if you had done something differently? Thinking about the opportunities you failed to pounce on. Things you did not say, moments you did not seize. I believe everyone has. Sometimes, actually, perhaps too often. What we seldom remember however, are the very reasons that forced us not to do something. Maybe we do miss many of the shots we never took. But shouldn’t we consider the counterpoint? Namely the things we did and have the greatest regrets for altogether.

The truth is that if we got the chance to go back in time in order to make a difference things would have turned out to be not so black and white to us. By all means we would have faced all the doubts, the hesitations that had stopped us before. Every single act has its inevitable consequences. When we think about the shots we never took we must consider this. Because, being passive, may have actually been the right way to act at the time. So, stop worrying about the past, and focus on the shots you are about to take on the future.

20 май… Не съм един от тях…

20 май 2007 година беше ден за избори. Имах нещастието да се окажа член на секционната избирателна комисия, като вината за това си беше изцяло моя. Ето какво всъщност се случи:

Един ден безгрижно се прибирах от лекции, когато мобилният ми телефон започна да звъни. Тъй като предната нощ не бях спал, ми отне известно време докато осъзная, че може би трябва да реагирам по някакъв начин. Веднъж стигнал до това умопомрачително заключение, придобих решителност и с властен замах посегнах към джоба си за да извадя телефона. Натиснах с отработено движение зеленото копче и магията на безжичната комуникация ме свърза с майка ми.

- Искаш ли да спечелиш 20 лева? – каза тя с тон, подсказващ че няма много време за приказки.

- Ами искам. – отвърнах наивно и дори не попитах за какво става дума. Предположих, че пак ще бъда квестор на олимпиада по математика или някой предварителен изпит за кандидат-гимназисти. Впоследствие с подозрение заключих, че двадесет лева за три часа, през които можех да си напиша едно-две домашни по Международен икономикс, са твърде щедро възнаграждение. Уви, оказа се че съмненията ми съвсем не са били неоснователни.

И така, за да заслужа банкнотата с лика на Стефан Стамболов, трябваше да стана в 5.00 сутринта и да изтърпя 16 часов квалифициран труд, състоящ се в стоенето на един ученически чин и правенето на нищо. Който ме познава добре, би разсъдил, че няма по-подходящ човек за тази работа от мен. Така си казах и аз. И в действителност, при равни други условия, ядрото на това заключение ще бъде вярно. Но, разбира се, в практиката нещата не винаги протичат така, както сме планирали. Защото, знаете ли, да наблюдаваш цял ден български граждани, които дават своя вот, може да бъде изключително изтощаващо и попиващо всякакви вътрешни сили начинание.

Мъчително е да наблюдаваш старите хора, които, рискувайки менталното и, най-вече, физическото си здраве, са станали с петлите, само за да дойдат да гласуват. Потискащо да гледаш лицата им. Погледите им са изтерзани и гладни, помътнели от горчив опит и лишени от здрав разум. А походката им подозрително напомня зомбитата от „Нощта на живите мъртви“. Но най-страшни са очите им… зли, изпълнени с мрачна решителност и инат. Не преувеличавам…

А кои бяха останалите? Дори не искам да си спомням физиономиите им, защото някои от тях бяха почти гротескни. Поне в моите очи. Това са хората, които слушат чалга. Хората, които се напиват вечер и бият я жената, я детето, в зависимост от това кой пръв се изпречи пред погледа им. Хората, които вярват в месии. Хората, които искат някой да дойде и да ги „оправи“.

Да, това са хората които гласуваха. Това са хората, които определят съдбата ни. Това е българския народ…

Не съм един от тях…

Face-to-face communication cannot be beaten

The European Champion’s league finale between Liverpool and Milan is scheduled on May the 23. Imagine that you are a fan, who wants to support his favorite team. Now tell me, what would you rather do – sit at home watching the game on TV or actually being at the stadium, breathing in the unique atmosphere? Provided you have the opportunity to choose, that is to say. The answer is needless – you can see my point.

Nowadays alternative means of communication have mushroomed all over the world. The good old romantic letters have been almost completely replaced be e-mails. Internet is undoubtedly a tremendous source that enables people to communicate with each other practically ignoring distances. Nor should we fail to mention cell phones, which every self-respecting contemporary has to be in possession of. But I do not think the purpose of these alternatives is to replace face-to-face communication, moreover, in my opinion, they will never be able to do that. Because that is what they are – only alternatives, and as fast as they are growing, they can never dare to challenge face-to-face communication.

Be that as it may, people need diversification. Let me come back to the metaphor I used at the beginning of this paper. Some of us may not be able to go and see the match. And this doesn’t mean they shouldn’t have the chance to watch it. Fortunately, they can do so by means of TV. The same holds true as regards to communication. Sometimes face-to-face communication is simply impossible. I do not need to list all the circumstances which could cause that. But when this happens, we are happy we have an alternative. Internet, a phone and whatsoever.

But can you replace the feeling of being over the moon when kissing a girl? Can you hear the laugh of your friends when chatting with them? Can you see their smiles? Or their sad faces when searching for comfort? Unlikely. Because what face-to-face communication still has to offer is beyond the potential of every possible replacement. And this does not mean we shall not continue to improve these means of communication. But a human face, the eyes of your girl when telling her she is the only one have no substitutes. That’s probably one more reason that makes life worthwhile.

Money is the root of all evil

Doubtlessly money is the driving force of our world. And yet, it’s very often burdened with negative meaning. The assumption that money is a symbol of progress and success is hardly popular. Why is that so?

Certainly, sometimes, the strife for money can make people lose their awareness of the real values of life. It’s as if we become predators, waiting greedily to pounce on the first opportunity that comes our way to get hold of some cash. Ignoring moral standards, conscience and limits of humanity whatsoever. Eliminating everything and everyone that might lead us away from the sacred purpose. Disregarding kindness, friendship or love. Transforming our world into a jungle. Only that in the jungle creatures struggle and kill to survive. They are left with no other choice. But here the goal is different. There is no such thing as enough money. Once you engage in seeking wealth you probably will not be able to stop. And your soul will be doomed to personal and moral decay. You will not see the difference, even worse – you will not care.

But let us get down to fundamentals and let us do so with less drama this time. The old proverb says “Money makes the world go round” and we shall admit this is true. Everybody wants to be successful, to make headway, and money just happens to be the reward for those of us who manage to progress. As simple as that. I see no evil here.

Maybe money is the root of all evil because people interpreted its importance this way. And probably it’s the best idea to get down to earth and put up with this. Whether we like it or not. Because, going to the bakers for a piece of bread implies having some money in our pocket. The same holds true for buying health and education. The key word is moderation.

Devoting our lives to making money is a waste of time. Not having a penny in your pocket makes you pathetic. Even in your own eyes. So stick in between.